Clearing the air

A post in which I might ramble a little bit and you may get bored reading.

We all have ghosts in our past, ghosts that haunt us day after day, taunting us with visions of how things might have been if only circumstances had been different, or people had been kinder, or someone had said more. Bringing back the pain of unspoken words, actions we never took, tears we never cried, and people we never loved.

Why do we let them torment us so?
Because confronting them means confronting our insecurities and deepest fears. And it is just so easy to huddle in a corner, afraid of them, wishing they would go away, hoping that if you ignore them long enough they might leave of their own volition, eventually allowing you to become a numb shell that merely exists, wallowing in the sorrow and pain of tragedies that are partially your own creation.

Sometimes it might seem like they've left you, that they've moved on from their favorite past time; making misery and causing pain. But at the slightest hint of remembrance or regret they come flooding back even stronger than they were before.

The only way to really get rid of them is to clear the air. To open the windows and let the truth blow away all the dust of confusion that has been haunting you.
And sometimes when the truth blows away all the lies and holograms that you've been projecting for years, you find yourself feeling empty. The space that once was filled with the terrors of the night now holds nothing but the honest facts and the emptiness may seem daunting, even painful for a while.

But after a time, you can fill the empty spaces with better things.
And you can learn to feel again.

Which can seem scary. As someone who generally tries to avoid emotions I understand just how terrifying this is. I'm still not sure that I'm ready to take off my rose tinted glasses and feel.

But tonight, I'm one step closer.