I'm a fool for you

I'm a fool for you. I want you to know that. Your comment about how I laugh too much? I was mortified that you noticed. I only laugh like that because it's you.
The day we went together to hear all that music... that was the best day of my life. Because all my life I have had to struggle and fight for the attention you gave me without a second thought. I had to be.g. and cry for the protection you gave me in just one instant. I had to stamp my feet and dig in my heels for a sliver of the respect you show me.
You treat me like this, and you mean it. You don't see me for my baggage, and even though you don't know me very well you still open up your heart to me.
I've never had a hug like that and to be honest, I'm still reeling. I'm winding tighter and tighter, and I'm spinning out of control.

We were supposed to be friends.

"We were supposed to be friends." You say
And take a little bow
when what you thought was finally over
had really only started now.
The way those words had stung just then
you never could have known.
You were blinded to my feelings
But the prickly seeds were sown.
When you supposed you two were friends
I waited there for you
Knowing perfect well that you'd forgot
That we'd been friends once too.
His one mistake was telling you
he'd take you on a date.
You both left me a bit that day, so
suddenly separate
I'd known that things were different then
but ever since that day
When our friend came back over now
you left me by the way.
I lost a friend that fateful day,
the pain was very real.
But you were more important then.
I knew that pain would heal.
The offs and ons, the ups and downs,
I never left your side.
But when I got back home each night
I laid awake and cried.
You both moved on, and I was left
alone and in the dust
To mourn alone the death of that
sweet friendship and the trust.
My friend came back when you were gone
though never quite the same
But in your mind, yes every time,
you felt YOU were the aim.
Perhaps you were, perhaps you weren't.
I really couldn't say.
I still don't care about that game.
I still refuse to play.
Because, my friend, it is a game.
A game that never ends.
A game that always ends like this:
"We were supposed to be friends."
"We were supposed to be friends." The words
rang deep inside my soul.
The words, though meant for someone else,
 burned just as bright as coal
for every time you left me waiting
though you promised you'd be back.
I knew that things were ending then.
I felt the friendship crack.
We were supposed to be friends, but friends
don't keep away and hide.
You put yourself before me and
the friend inside me died.
I knew much better than to say
the thing I did that day.
I simply couldn't take it--so
I put ME first, okay?
From that day on we left and hid and
always stayed away.
But I couldn't bear to be with you
and you liked it that way.
I reminisce sometimes about
the way things used to be.
I miss you now, I wish that you
would come on back to me.
But no, it cannot happen. This
is where the story ends.
Just remember me, when it's all done.
Because we were supposed to be friends.

have you ever been so tired that you didn't have the energy to care?

  Have you ever been so tired that you feel like you couldn't care about anything?
that's how I feel right now, even though I was right and he still likes her. Even though I was right and she's finally facing the feelings she's been hiding about him too.
even though I was right about everything, I'm too tired to care.i never had a chance once she was back, but somehow that doesn't mean anything. I'm exhausted.
Yet somehow I'm too tired to sleep tonight. It figures I guess.

Today I found out

Today has been a rather enlightening day for me.

We all have those people who we get along with, so very well. 

The people we care about so, so much and would do anything for. 

For me, that was my friend Chase. 

I would do anything for that guy. 

We helped each other through some really hard times. 

But we put each other through some really hard times, too.

And ultimately, we grew apart.

But there was a time when I couldn't imagine life without him.

There was that day.

The day when I realized that our friendship, the friendship that meant so much to me, the friendship that helped me get back on my feet, wasn't enough for him.

He was just too hurt, too sad.

He was enough for me, he put a smile back on my face.

Even when I didn't want to smile, he could make me do it.

Even when I thought there was nothing in this world that could help me.

He managed to do it, somehow.

But one day I realized that to him, our friendship wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough to cheer him up, wasn't enough to give him hope.

There was that day.

Or rather, it was a series of days.

He was slipping away from me.

Being around me wasn't the pinnacle anymore.

It was the trough.

The chore.

I pretended not to know, but I did.

And it cut me deep.

Over time, it healed up.

But there remained a scar. 

Things were never quite the same.

There was that day.

That day when I discovered The Wedge. 

He found someone else who did all the things I couldn't.

I was hurt, but I understood.

We remained good friends.

After all the hard times we had been through together, we remained stronger than ever.

But something was different.

His other half didn't like me.

And I didn't like him.

He tried to push us together but, as with magnets that have the same polarization, we broke apart and ended up further away than ever.

There was that day.

That day when he blew me off.

That day when I gave up.

That day when he asked me what was wrong.

The day that I told him, that day was bad.

Every day The Wedge got deeper and deeper.

Always trying to bind us back together, always pretending nothing was wrong.

There was that day.

That day that he moved.

That day we hung out.

That day we realized how much we missed each other.

That day we promised we'd be better.

And then there was today.

Today I found out.

It is possible to care to the point of hurting, and never be enough for someone.

It is possible to wish the best for someone and wish you never knew them.

Today I found out.

But today was the day that the wedge was the deepest.

Today I found out.

He didn't tell me.

Today I found out that my friend

moved on.

I'm Kari and My Tongue is Too Sharp

I don't know if any of you out there have ever had the pleasure of being ignored by a person for longer than you hung out with them. And I don't know if any of you have ever had the pleasure of sorting things out with that person afterwards.
The thing about me is that when things like that happen, I don't feel pleased. I feel bitter. And when I'm bitter I say things I don't mean to, or the things I say come out much harsher than I had intended. It isn't very conducive to making up with people, you know. Especially when you're already on the rocks with them in the first place.
You see, I was hanging out with some people outside... enjoying the last of the summer sun. Things escalated a little bit and, feeling defensive at the time, I found the words "Hi, I'm xxxx and my sideburns are crooked!" teetering on the brink of falling out of my mouth. It was very nearly disastrous. They began to spill out, I panicked, and I swallowed the words. BUT, I made a semi normal situation a bit more awkward because it was pretty obvious that I had just stopped myself mid sentence, and I didn't do a very good job of covering it up.
Sometimes I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve, in the most confusing way possible.

Kari! It's everyone. We don't want to talk to you. Ps, you need an attitude adjustment. Have a nice life!

The part of my grave where I tell everyone how I feel because it's the only time I won't regret hitting publish

Up until now I haven't regretted a thing about this. But now I'm not sure of anything any more.
It's so easy for me to resign myself to one thing or the other, but when it comes to possibilities I just don't know what to do. A thousand what ifs spinning around in my head, and the thought that you have to choose one and if you don't choose the right one, you won't get what you want. It's slowly driving me mad. I'm trying not to let the what ifs govern my life. I'm trying to just do what I want without fearing the consequences, but I'm afraid.
I'm afraid I might lose you.
But how can you lose something you never had?
And if I don't say something I'll probably lose anyway.
So what do I have to lose?
Everything, if I don't say something.