One Exception

There are not a lot of things that weigh heavily on my mind, but the way that I treat people is one of them. As a person who has personally been on the shitty side of things far more often than I care to think about, I take great care to make sure that I don't do that to people. But no matter how hard you try, there will always be one exception.
One dear friend of mine, a friend who has brought me more joy and laughter during hard times than any of my other friends, is my exception.
All that I stand for, honesty, sticking to my word, being there when I say I will be, not blowing people off... All of these things for one reason or another have gone out the window with him. And it isn't because I don't care about him.
I think it's more to do with the fact that I don't know how to act around him, because I think he might be kind of in love with me. And maybe I like him a little. But I don't see how it could ever turn into something, and that makes me sad. It makes me so very sad. And that is why it's hard for me to be around him. But it's never hard when I'm with him. It is so easy to be around him. It's just waiting for the time when I'm with him that drives me crazy.
I wish I was more assertive so I could find out what is going on. Then everything would be better. I could reconcile myself either way, if only I knew which one.